Maybe its time to release "her"...  

Posted by: GREENLEAF!



I know a girl that is obsessed with one thing. Oh, how hard she concentrate on this one particular thing.
She disregard her social life for this. Her education is falling down under because of this. And every step she takes, she needs it.
Is it her reflection that makes it so delusional? That her mind is empowered by what she think she sees within the mirror. The girl that everyone sees isn't the girl that she sees. She strive for her appearance to be like the girls with pom-poms. It gets her real frustrated when all around her she hears guffawing. Two lens draw on her figure. Not only this cause her mental suffocation, but what goes around her environment as well.
And i... i see it in her eyes.
I tell her... "fake it-- put on a secure smiling mask." And she does.
I tell her... "Lie if you have to; it's for your own good and others." And she does.
I tell her... "Be a Robot with no emotions, conform to everyone. and follow others." And she does.
I didn't allow this to happen, i don't blame her, it can't be her fault, the only thing to blame is the people and what's around her. The influences, the causes, the acts, the pressure. Bitter the world may be, but i made her life so beautiful on the outside world where she must and have to conform.
If i don't help her, paranoia will consume her, fear will destroy her, and everything will uprise within her.

I now know whenever the sun rise, i have to prepare her for this. Prepare her to face her reality.

"They will not force us,
they will stop degrading us,
they will not control us,
we will be victorious..."- Uprising--Muse

I've come to realised...  

Posted by: GREENLEAF!

... that one day i'll lose my close friends. Yes. Or i'll distance from them. I shouldn't be worried nor it should make me anxious. I lost my primary school close friends, and soon, i will distance from my high school close friends and make new close friends. I know these sort of things happen. I'm alright. It's hurtful that they call me their friends, but they're not inviting me out. I don't know what the reason is... but it's just hurtful to know. Especially that one person. I stayed by them, but now... Two thumbs up for them. Well, that person is happy. Which is good to know. That's all i want... even if i have no friends in the end.. i just want the people i knew to be happy. Happy with their lives, even if they have problems. To still enjoy everything.


ALONE - Phantom of the Opera.

Why is this silence surrounding my soul?
I try to laugh, but I’ve lost my goal…
Surrounded by darkness I am alone,
Held in a cage between this walls of stone,
My freedom is gone,
Looks like a pact with darkness I’ve done.
I am sad, held in darkness between the walls of stone,
I cry, I am alone.




Just keep smiling...

It's to engage...  

Posted by: GREENLEAF!

... the change of the obvious in my last year of school. Start something new, but i know some things just never change.

...and i will wait to find if this will last forever...  

Posted by: GREENLEAF!


My 3rd term holiday started, then next term i'll be in year 12; shocking, isn't it?
Well, since it's my holiday before year 12 conquers my life, i'll go wild and have fun, although that isn't happening. For the past few days, i've been at home with my little sister doing whatever there is to do. It's quite fun, but not all that fun. Don't ask why i'm not out with my friends, i don't have any, savvy? Call me sad-- i rather hang with my toys than my friends right now. Pathetic how i'm just complaining and whining about this "topic" on friendship when i should do something about it. Although i will, once i come back to school. Start a whole new thing, since i do have other friends, although i make myself sound so sad with alienation. I guess this is the reason why i'm being dispirited.
Well, say no more, say no more.




Yesterday was an amazing night. First time going to the Theater; it was beautiful. Davor, my knight-in-shining-armor, *cough, cough*, took me to go see Wicked. He enjoyed the musical, and he said he wouldn't enjoy it. Psh! I liked it, the whole musical was good, and the storyline, although it didn't add up to the movie-- The Wizard of Oz. It was weird how the witch of the West is nice in the musical and she isn't nice, what-so-ever, in the movie. And guess what? SHE DIDN'T DIE AT ALL! Lies, lies, lies. The director is smart, though; adding parts between the movie of the Wizard of Oz to talk about the witches. It's funny, how the good witch, Galinda is such a bitch, an awesome bitch, though. She's hilarious.
xD!
OMGOSH! ROB MILLS IS IN IT! The lover of the wicked witch of the west. He turns into a scarecrow.Oh! And Bert Newton, he played the Wizard. Evil man. Not really.
It actually shows you the Tin Man, Scarecrow and the Lion. I know how they became how they are. But it was weird. The scarecrow; Fiyero; played by Rob Mills, is the lover of the Witch--you just have to see it to know. It was good, though, i liked it. So did Davor.
xP
During the intermission, i was craving for something chocolaty, it was nice for Davor to run all the way to Woolworths, which is quite far from the Capitol theater, to buy me Tim Tam; COOKIES AND CREAM, and himself a bottle of water. It was quite tense since the intermission was ending, and Davor hasn't come back, then near the end, where everyone was coming back to their seat, i see Davor bolting in, it was funny, but cute. Poor dude has blisters now.
=(
But the funny thing was, my sugar rushed went down, so i didn't eat the Tim Tam, and he ran for me. Hahaha!
I'm so nice.
The play ended at 10.45pm. After the musical, me and Davor went to the Habourside and just sat there, looking at the city light, buildings and the moon. The moon was a full moon, it was quite scary, but beautiful with all the clouds. There was this 4 light spinning around the sky, Davor said it reminded him of Batman. Which it did seem like the sign for Batman.
It was a lovely night, i have to say. Always is whenever i'm with him.
We then went back to the station, and luckily caught the last train, but to Lidcombe. Davor had to run with blisters. He took off his shoes on the train and revealed his blisters, my goodness. It looked hurtful. Poor thing. I hope it gets better, since he's going swimming tomorrow. Might get infected.
=O!
We met up with his sister at Lidcombe, and it was 1 something. His sister is like... the awesomess sister. She drove me home, which is nice of her. She kissed me goodbye--the cheek-to-cheek kind of kiss.
=D
That was the end of my day yesterday, and it was lovely.

Oh, i loved my hair yesterday and what i wore. Going for my usual classic/vintage-like looks.
xDD!
Some lady said to Davor i was a".. gorgeous little thing.." something like that, he said.
=D

The only thing that could shatter me into pieces is friendship...  

Posted by: GREENLEAF!

Sunday on the 27th of September--Moon festival day.

That day was not a surprise to what was going on at the festival. It was an asian celebration.
I spent the festival with Annie, Eric, Eva and Davor. We all wandered around Cabramatta: watching everyone go pass, smiling, talking, having fun, eating etc. It
wasn't the best celebration, but it was nice to spend it with the people i like.

I wasn't expecting someone there, but when i saw 'anonymous', i dissembled--pretend that i was happy seeing
'anonymous'. Train of words travelled within my cerebrum. It lingers while i left 'anonymous', not wanting
'anonymous' to see how upset i was, knowing that i tried to lure 'anonymous' to come with that someone to have fun. I took 'anonymous' word on that--'anonymous' didn't want to go; i let it be. But seeing 'anonymous' there with someone else, that wasn't the best feeling a friend can have. The worse thing... 'anonymous' didn't even encourage me to stay, but to have fun, then just left like that. Way to go.
Just the thought of it, seeing 'anonymous'; so called 'friend', made me think. My friendship with people is like a magnet; when the same pole connects, it repels. But when two different poles connect, it attracts. Okay, maybe that wasn't a good example. I'm not saying opposites attract, just saying my friends are repelling from me. This reason is unknown, maybe i have my theories, but i refuse to think that. If it is so, they're not good friends. I'll accept their reasons, but it shouldn't be that way.

Well, enough with that. Overall, yesterday was quite a lovely day.
As all of us were wandering around, we bumped into many people. We didn't do as much. For dinner we ate Pho. It was funny--it was the first time Davor tried Pho, he 'kind of'' liked it, but i doubt it. It was funny how Tran said she hope he doesn't get diarrhea after eating, that just made him scared shitless. But it's sweet how he tried an asian cuisine.
It ended with the fireworks. Couples together, friends roar, but everyone together--a lovely image.





...and the end is just the beginning.